That’s what you thought when your spouse decided to leave (or already did). Marriage separation is just a pit stop in the way to divorce. Everyone knows that, right?
Can separation save a marriage?
I know that what I’m about to claim goes against everything you believe in, but marriage separation is your golden opportunity to not only save your marriage, but make it better than it ever was.
Can Separation Save a Marriage?
Your spouse has given up. He or she are tired of the bickering, the tension, the lack of communication, the fact that you never do anything fun together anymore.
Even worse, he or she are may already be in love with someone else, and left you to be with him/her.
“I’m not in love with you anymore”, he or she said, and your whole world, your whole life as you know it, collapses around you, making a huge noise.
It seems there is no hope. Your marriage is terminally broken, and there is nothing you can do to change it.
But you couldn’t be more wrong. Separation CAN save your marriage, if you know exactly how to use it to your advantage.
3 Mistakes That Can Ruin Everything
Here’s what most of us will do when we desperately try to stop separation and divorce:
1. We try to give them reassurance – “I can change. I will stop nagging. I will stop being controlling. I won’t lie to you ever again”.
This almost never works. They will not believe you.
2. We Argue – “I don’t believe that you don’t love me. You owe me love because we are married. I can change the way you feel right now”.
This never works. This is exactly what they expect to hear. More arguing and inacceptance of their feelings. This is why they want to pull away in the first place.
3. We tell them how much we love them – “I love you. You are the only one I’ll ever love. You’re the only one I can be happy with”.
You’re basically telling them “I have no self-esteem. I have nothing without you. Do you want me?”
But don’t lose hope just yet. Even if you made all of these mistakes (in less than 30 minutes…), there are ways to repair the damage (if you use the right marriage separation advice from now on).
How to Use Marriage Separation to Save Your Marriage
Remember that marriage separation is a “trial divorce”. An emotional divorce – Without the final dissolution of the marriage.
Instead of giving up, use these separation advantages to get a second chance to your marriage.
1. Stop Arguing
Your spouse wants to pull away from someone who always disagrees with him/her. From someone who never sees things their way.
By arguing and criticizing your spouse’s decision, you are only reassuring him that he made the right decision.
“I want a divorce. This marriage is broken and can’t be fixed”, He/she says.
“I agree”, you say. “This marriage is broken. I understand how you feel.”
It seems like you’re moving faster towards a divorce, but it’s quite the opposite. You are disarming his /her negative feelings. What happened to the arguing and not-listening spouse they wanted to breakup with? Who is this pleasant and understanding person?
This takes the props totally out from under their hostility. You are finally seeing things their way. You are secure now.
2. Stop Needing
Marriage separation holds a golden opportunity of him/her missing you. It’s a chance for things to cool down. The constant noise of daily fighting and tension tones down and your spouse can finally realize his contribution to the marriage problems.
Your spouse has the chance to miss you, to miss the good times you used to have.
Your spouse can finally appreciate the things he has taken for granted, like the way you took care of your home, you children, the many ways you were supportive to him, the way you took care of him.
But all of these important things can only happen if you completely stop needing, begging, expressing your eternal love and saying how much you miss him.
You have to prove your independence and that you are happy about things just the way they are.
I’m not saying no contact. You can call and say hi, ask how he’s doing, but do not try to talk about your relationship, complain, need, ask, beg or plead.
This is the only way to make your spouse realize how much he/she has to LOSE if you split permanently. Even if he/she is already with someone else.
3. Rebuild The Love
Just because your spouse said that he no longer loves you, doesn’t mean that his love his dead. Usually it means that his feelings are “crushed” under years of anger, frustration, neglect, resentment or other negative emotions.
I’m not saying it’s your fault. No way. Both of you are equally responsible for the marriage problems.
But if you were once in love, you can fall in love AGAIN.
Instead of giving up on your marriage and your family, instead of sinking into depression, use this time to get the knowledge and the best advice to rebuild the love.
These are skills that can save your marriage even if your spouse has cheated, had an affair, fell in love with someone else and has left.
It’s not enough to just stop doing the things that has hurt your marriage.
You have to take some rebuilding positive steps to end your marriage separation and return to happier and more loving relationship than you ever had.
This is your chance. Your golden gate. Are you going to go through it or just give up?
Rooting for ya,
I highly recommend this program (book + exercises) to help you use this separation time to save your marriage. It truly has everything you’ll need to do and say to prevent losing your marriage for good.
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