How Can I get My Husband to Love Me Again? (The 3-Step Plan)

No matter how long you’ve been married, and no matter how long your marriage has been in trouble, you can never get quite prepared to hear that your husband doesn’t love you anymore.

get husband to love me againAnd no matter how much you try to make things better, he refuses to talk to you, he refuses to listen to you, he refuses counseling.

And then he says he wants to leave. And you feel that the life that you built together, your family, your whole life as you know it, is going to be destroyed.

How Can I Get My Husband to Love Me Again?

When you look back at the relationship you used to have, and the passionate love you shared, this question seems almost surreal. Where did it go? What happened? How can two people who were so much in love turn into strangers living in the same house?

 Well, you may be surprised to learn that things are not always the way they appear.

Just because your husband said he doesn’t love you, it doesn’t mean that it’s TRUE.

It doesn’t necessarily mean that your marriage is over.

So…how can I get my husband to fall in love with me again?

According to Dr. Frank Gunzburg, the author of several marriage saving programs (that were extremely helpful to me personally), when your spouse says he no longer loves you, that doesn’t always mean the love is dead.  It may simply mean the love has been covered up by anger, frustration, resentment or other emotions.

What Goes in His Mind When He Says He Doesn’t Love You

 To justify his feelings, your husband may even start to rewrite history to match his claim that the love is dead. He may say things like “I never really loved you”, or “I married you out of obligation:”

It’s like stabbing you in the heart and then twisting the knife.

As difficult as this feels, hope is here. If you were once in love you can fall in love all over again.

How to Rebuild His Love for You – In 3 Steps

Right now, you can start with 3 specific steps to make him re-discover his love for you. These are NOT tricks, gimmicks or clever psychological games.

I’ve “stolen” these steps from Dr. Gunzburg program, (With permission, don’t worry…)

Note: These steps are NOT meant to get your relationship back to where it was BEFORE the love evaporated. These steps will help you make your relationship BETTER than it used to be.

#1 – Remind Him

You are probably aware that your marriage has more lies than truth in it right now. If your relationship was open and honest, it would not have deteriorated to where it’s at right now.

(This is especially true if your husband said he doesn’t love you, right after confessing about an affair.)

You have to discover where trust still exists and how to regain the trust back in your spouse, even after he has cheated on you. You have to learn to talk like friends again.

Without restoring the trust and the honesty, Your husband will not realize how much he actually loves YOU.

#2 – Best Friends

In an open and healthy-communicating marriage, love can’t stay “dead”. If your husband said he doesn’t love you, I can guess that your communication style is unhealthy or non-existent.

When this happens, you send the message that your spouse isn’t special to you anymore, he is a nuisance, and that your life would be better off without him.

You simply must turn this around, and Dr. Frank Gunzburg shows how to do that HERE.

#3 – The Spark

Can you imagine having all that love and passion you used to have – Back in your relationship?

Just having fun with your husband will create a series of positive emotions and behaviors that may actually save your marriage.

You have to learn about the ways to bring back the fun and the laughter back to your marriage. If your husband has left, this can be quite tricky. In this case I would recommend a good texting plan. Texting is a powerful way to get an ex back, without losing your dignity.

If your husband still lives with you, you have to learn how to reignite the spark. How to decide what to do for fun and how to get him on board. Just one fun date with your husband can remind him of how much he adores you and wants to be with you and only you.

Getting your husband love back is possible, even if it seems impossible.

As I always say, just don’t wait. Act now, before it’s too late.

Rooting for ya,

Lisa

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Comments

  1. says

    Thanks for sharing about Dr. Gunzburg’s program, Lisa. It’s one I’m going to look into as a marriage coach. I really like what you’ve shared here and how you’ve shared it. You always have such fresh, relevant posts and I’m always glad to see when you link up with Wedded Wed. Thanks so much for this powerful post!

  2. Amy says

    All the above is great information.
    My marriage isn’t even a marriage any more, its more like two people who rent a house.
    Married 46 years in 3 days, and thats suppose to be a good thing. It’s really not so good. The love
    intimacy stopped after our wedding day. We had sex once and my husband hated it, he couldn’t
    believe actually do some thing so horrible gross to each other. He wanted nothing more to do with
    me, sex or associating with me. He moved to our basement and thats where he eats and sleeps. He also
    works the midnight shift so he wouldn’t have to be at night. I can’t bother him he won’t talk to me or any
    one else. Fixing this marriage is a real joke, never happen.

    • says

      The only question I’m left with after your story is why on earth did you stay and keep staying in this marriage? Are you both religious?

  3. Dilsa says

    I been married for almost 2 years but we been together for 5.. . Hr cheated in the past before we got married I tryed to forget but I never could … We had problems because of me …and I pushed him away he left for his country for 9 days & when he got back he picked up a girl down there… He told me he didn’t had anything with her but there were pics and txt …so he left ..but now I realized that I pushed him away & I don’t,want to loose my husband … He says he is confused & he don’t these marriage anymore … I don’t know wht to do

  4. Desiree says

    My husband and I have been together for 10 years married for 6. We are young couple (23 & 24). Have 2 kids together. We have been up and down with our marriage A LOT. He has cheated more then a handful of times through out the years but I have always forgave him. The past year has been a nightmare. We fight constantly and he has cheated both intimacy and text/Facebook. Well he started working with a girl and is “chasing” after her he so said in a message to her. When I ask him about it he says it’s nothing but he sends her messages like xoxo and more deeply messages then just flirting. In my heart I feel like he’s falling in love with her. My heart and head is so confused tho. We still have sex all the time and it’s good as always. When we are together it’s like nothing is going on with them too and me and him are the same as it always is but when I confront him about them he blows it off and days I blow it out of proportion. I just don’t want to loose my husband. I’ve been trying everything to get him to be more into me. I love him so much and I’m beyond desperate to get him to be faithful to me.. Please I need some advice on how to win him back!

    • says

      Hi Desiree,
      I’m sorry you are going through this, I don’t know how you manage to forgive him every time he does this, you must really love him or want your relationship to work.

      Your husband is a serial cheater and from what you’ve told me he doesn’t really think that marriage rules apply to him. Since you 2 still have sex as ususal, his cheating is not a result of lack of sex. He may feel that he’s entitled to do this and the fact that you keep forgiving him just proves to him that he can keep doing it without consequence.

      First think to do is ti let him know that from this moment on you do not accept any kind of cheating. That you will never forgive and forget again.
      The second step is to give him an ultimatum: Either he agrees to outside professional help, in the form of counseling, or you will kick him out.

      If he does not agree to this, you should know that he’s going to keep cheating and lying to you indefinitely.
      I know that you don’t want to lose him. But will you still want to stay with him if he doesn’t change?
      You have to think about it.
      Obviously what you’re doing now is not working, so you have to do something else.

      You have to make him understand what he’s about to lose if he keeps acting like this. And the trick is to tell him all these things in a calm and collect manner, without losing your temper and yelling what so ever.

      This is only my opinion, but now is the time that you have to make a decision. Either something dramatic happens to change things, or you will spend the rest of your time with him just the way it is now.

      I hope you make the right decisions for you.

  5. Jo says

    hi we have been married for 18 yrs this n been together for 21 n 4 weeks ago my husband had walked out saying he loves me but not in love with me n he had enough of the crap the kids were doing … i am devastated he was living in a tent till it got destroyed by the wind n is now living in the caravan out the front yard as i wouldnt let him take it … i thought we were happy he would always tell me that he loved me he bought me a dozen roses on valentines day n 2 days later said he wanted to leave .. n the next day he did no explation as to why at first .. he saying we r going to work things out but doesnt like to talk bout us but we can sit there n talk bout anythign else
    …he gives me cuddles still we have slept together once since then n he stays in our bed prob once aweek im so confused at wat to do i love him n respect him n have a trust in him still he says he cares alot about me still n i mean alot to him n we had a good 21 yrs then y would he being doing all this n gets cranky if i bring up us plz help

    • says

      I think that although something is deeply bothering him, he doesn’t really want to leave you. I also think that he needs to see what it feels like to be without you. And right now he doesn’t feel it because you are available for him whenever he wants.

      I think this article can really help you:

      http://www.how-to-save-marriage.org/can-separation-save-a-marriage/

      It’ll show you how to use your separation to your advantage and save your marriage.

      Hang in there, all signs show that if you do the right things )see the article about those), everything will fine and this crisis will go away.

  6. nicole says

    My Husband and i have been together for 6 years, married 2. I brought a child into the relationship and we have one together (9 and 5). Our relationship was built by strong and swift love, and I still deeply love him. However, a year ago we bought a house together and had to live in a 27′ tailer for 6 months, we were fighting a lot, at one point the fight got so bad it turned physical (both sides) and he called the police on me and i got arrested. We have also dealt with him having a secret porn compulsion and were dealing with it at the time. These are not my excuses but for whatever messed up reason i cheated on him during that time with a co-worker. I never had sex with the guy but what we did was wrong. I told my husband recently because I wanted to get this guilt of my mind, i love him so much and the stress and anxiety this secret caused forced me to be so distant from him. That is not what i wanted when i married him. He is obviously angry right now, his emotions are rapidly changing back and forth between anger and depression, embarrassment, disappointment, everything. He says he needs a lot of space and doesn’t know if he can ever forgive me or be married to me. Im so upset i can eat, my heart physically hurts, i can’t stop throwing up, i am lost without him. I just don’t know how he will ever trust that i will NEVER do this again. I told him because i wanted to expose myself thinking that that would prove to him I wouldn’t do it again. How do i make him trust me. I know time is a factor but what else should i do. Am the the worst person in the world or what?

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