You’ve been betrayed. Stabbed in the back. The person that’s supposed to be your best friend, the one you trusted most, has lied to you, cheated on you and shattered your life as you know it – leaving you angry, shocked, afraid and with no self confidence what so ever. It’s a horrible feeling.
The foundation of your marriage – fidelity and trust – is now broken. This is probably the biggest crisis that a relationship can go through; How to forgive a spouse for cheating (and should you?)
But you have decided you want to save your relationship and move on with your life. You only have one problem: You do not think you are able to forgive your spouse.
How to forgive a spouse for cheating?
The pain is too deep. You can’t trust him any more and you don’t know if he will do it again. You know you won’t be able to go through something like this ever again. But if you don’t forgive – it will be very hard to rebuild your relationship.
Do You Feel You Just Want Things to Go Back The Way They Were?
Most of us do. We just want our relationship to go back to the way it was before the betrayal. But why would you? The way it was is exactly what has led you to the kind of pain you are going through right now!
Going back to the way it used to be – won’t solve your problems.
There is a different path to take – you can try to make your relationship BETTER than it was before. But that means you have to forgive.
How to Forgive a Spouse for Cheating – Step #1
You probably realize by now that you can’t just “decide” to forgive. It doesn’t work. Forgiveness takes time and work if you want it to be real and deep. The work starts with step no. 1 – Acceptance.
The work you have to do starts with acceptance. Acceptance is the road you take on your way to forgiving. Without this critical first step it is very hard to achieve real and sustaining forgiveness. It will allow you to cope with your anger, anxiety and help you rebuild the trust again.
What does Acceptance mean?
It means to accept the terrible events that happened to your relationship. It’s not something to take for granted – a betrayed person can spend most of his time shocked. You feel amazed that this thing happened to you and how did it happen behind your back when you were certain that everything is o.k.
You have to get past the initial denial. You can’t undo this reality. You can’t go back to what used to be – and if you are honest with yourself – you know that things weren’t so great.
Accepting means realizing that forgiveness will not happen in a day, or a week, or even a month. Take that pressure off yourself. These awful feelings will not disappear in a day. Accept that and don’t try to ignore it or “just get over it”. It will only make things worse.
What to Do After Acceptance?
When you really accept your situation you are saying to your self – “I don’t like what happened. I don’t like the feeling the way I do but I am willing to tolerate it so I can move on and work on a better relationship than ever.
Once you are able to do that, you will be able to move forward to the next steps – work through your anger, get rid of obsessive images and negative thoughts, and even rebuild the trust back to your relationship. And most importantly – Get professional help.
You will not know how to handle this overwhelming crisis on your own and chances are that if you try too, some critical miskates will be made, that will cause irreversible damage to your relationship.
This is where you should start. Don’t wait – ACT NOW, before it’s too late.
Rooting for ya,
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