My Husband Left Me For Another Woman – Can I Get Him Back?

husband left for another woman

“I love you but I’m not in love with you”.

I’ll bet that’s what your husband said right before he left you for another woman.

When a spouse says they no longer love you, that doesn’t always mean the love is dead. It may simply mean that his love is covered up by anger, frustration, resentment or other emotions.

I know you’re hurt beyond belief, I know you can’t believe this has happened to you, and I know you think that your marriage is destroyed for good.

But your marriage doesn’t have to be over, even if he thinks he’s in love with someone else, and even if he has already left.

If you were once in love, you can fall in love all over again.

The REAL Reason Your Husband Left You for Another Woman

The man you married has chosen to leave you for someone else. But that doesn’t mean she is any better than you.

Even if she’s 20 years younger than you, even if her hair is bigger and her waist line is smaller. It’s not your fault.

Remember this: Your cheating husband is the one with the character flaw. And if the OW knew that he was married, she also has a (huge) character flaw.

Here’s the real reason your husband left you:

** Your marriage was struggling prior to the affair. Most marriages have problems, but your husband chose to cheat instead of staying, digging in and resolving your problems.

** Your husband, like many people, chose to avoid dealing with the problems. Instead, he tried to put out a small fire in the stove with a stick of dynamite.

When he started cheating, he entered into a fantasy world in which everything it heavenly. He found a woman who adores him (mainly because she doesn’t know him at all), who doesn’t complain about anything, and gives him a chance to “fall in love” again.

Is there a long-term marriage that can compete with that?

It feels so good that it’s literally addicting.

And that’s why he decided to leave the real world and go to his fantasy land.

To justify his “feelings”, he may even start to rewrite history. He’ll say things like “I never really loved you,” “We’ve never had great sex,” “I married you out of a sense of obligation and more heart-breaking statements.

But I can almost guarantee that he is not actually in love with her. He’s in love with the addiction. The excitement. The “new” sex.

He won’t admit it, because he is probably not aware of it. But it’s true, even if he claims this woman is his “soul mate,” they were “meant to be”, they have “so much in common” blah, blah.

How to Get Your Husband Back (From Her)

I know that it feels like he has all the power right now. HE decided to have an affair. He decided to choose someone else over you. He decided to leave.

But believe it or not, you have the power to make him regret it. You have the power to make him crawl back on his knees and beg for your forgiveness.

The Steps You Need to Take Are:

1. Skip the Begging

No matter what you’ve said up until now, contact him and tell him that you feel that your separation was the right thing to do. Tell him that you understand why he left and that you’ve had serious problems that weren’t addressed.

Do not tell him that you love him.

This will do 2 things: First, it will shock the hell out of him. He expects a huge blow out, he expects fighting with you, and he expects drama.

And when drama doesn’t come, it will force him to really deal with his actions. To think twice about what he did and whether he did the right thing.

Nothing is there to distract him from evaluating his actions.

The second thing this achieves is him admiring your strength and understating that you admit your marriage has unresolved problems.

For you, this step brings the power back to you. Now it’s not only his decision. It’s yours as well.

2. Skip the Promises

Calling him, texting him and trying to convince him that you’ll change is a huge mistake. This smells like desperation and desperation is not appealing or attractive.

Your husband needs to know that you don’t think that this crisis is your fault. He should know that you are aware of your needs and your principles.

Telling him you’ll change will give him more power. And it only proves to him that he made the right decision.

3. Skip the Guilt

I know it goes against your instincts, but don’t make him feel guilty about tearing up the family.

You want him back, but you don’t want him to come back only through guilt, right? Also, this will only make him defensive and pull him further away from you.

4. Don’t Contact Her

Contacting the other woman, either to yell and blame her for everything, or just to ask her about details of their affair is NOT going to make him end it.

On the contrary.

Doing this will only strengthen their bond. They’ll have one more thing in common – Complaining about you.

Avoid this common mistake.

The Next Crucial Steps

Once you’ve prevented or fixed the above mistakes, it’s time to take the next steps to get your husband back, and make things change for the first time in your marriage.

These steps have to be taken immediately. You have to strike while the iron is hot. If you wait until he starts a divorce process, it may be too late.

You can use your separation to save your marriage.

First, you’ll have to heal from the pain and trauma, and then learn how to fall in love with each other again.

You can do it, even if he left for another woman.

In my opinion, everything you need to do and say is in this book (and workbook). It will show you how to handle your pain, how to prevent destructive behaviors, how to make him end his affair and how to rebuild the love.

Remember: If you once in love, you can fall in love again.

Rooting for ya,

Lisa

P.S

Do you think your husband is about to leave you? Let me try and help…share your story in the comments below.

 

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PAID ENDORSEMENT DISCLOSURE: In order for me to support my blogging activities, I may receive monetary compensation or other types of remuneration for my endorsement, recommendation, testimonial and/or link to any products or services from this blog.

Comments

  1. says

    But…if the purpose of all those changes is to try to get the adulerous spouse to return, isn’t that really just a form of manipulation? And rather than being strong, isn’t it just another way of directing the weakness?

    I would propose that a much better approach would be to accept the situation for what it is, assume they are not coming back, lean into Christ as the source of strength, and get on with your life.

    If the adulterous spouse asks to come back, you can deal with the request as deemed fitting at that time. But until or unless that happens, you’re better off assuming it won’t…and not hoping it will.

    • Jason says

      Hey Joe, I like your response. Lately I have been going crazy wanting my wife to come back home. She didn’t leave me for another guy, she just said she was unhappy. I rededicated my life to Christ and I am trying to stay strong, and your comment was really helpful.

  2. krys says

    My husband a week aho told me he didnt love or care for me. He said I deserve betterhe has been staying at a friends house Off and onn and putting all his time into his work.when he is at home he is kinda distantfrom ushitomi 3 days ago that he kissed a girl in his been texting herI love my husband very muchand I want to see our marriage work how do I get him to stop texting her and come home to just me and our three children I’m heartbroken and confused on all this he tells me that he is confused about everything and he needs some time I have been giving him time the last week to try to figure out if he wants to go to counseling he always tells me counseling doesn’t work so we’re not goingbut I love my husband and I want to win him back can you give me some advice on how to win my husband back he is one that is kind of straightforward no feelings for nothing he is a cop and he knows all the strategies I just love him and I want him back it was only a kiss and I’m willing to forgive him for that but what’s bugging me now is that he’s always on the phone texting and I don’t know if its her she is a coworker that he works with and they’re in the same field hola no workbut he is still texting me telling me when he’s not coming homewe had just recently filed for bankruptcy and we finish the paperwork yesterday is there any way to help us

    • says

      Krys,

      That’s a lot of stress to deal with, I’m sorry you are going through this.
      Adding financial stress to evrything may seem unbearable for you at this point, but pleased hang in there – Better days will come.

      I don’t think your husband really doesn’t love you anymore. Even if he said so. I don’t think he knows how he really feels, he has just given up for now,

      I think that in your case you should not try to “fight” for him. I think you should actually tell him that separation, at least a temporary one, is a good idea.

      You can see why I’m saying this to you in my post about marriage separation, here:

      http://www.how-to-save-marriage.org/can-separation-save-a-marriage/

      Don’t lose hope, good intentions go a long way and we never know what tommorrow brings.

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