Can you ever trust your (cheating) husband again?
Most people would say that it’s impossible to restore the trust after an affair. That if he did it once, he can do it again. That the foundation of the relationship is forever broken.
Is that what you believe too?
After all, he lied to you straight into your face, over and over again. He told you he was at work but he was actually with her. He told you he was out with his friends, but he was in the arms of another woman, while you were taken for a fool.
Is it Possible to Restore the Trust?
Trust is the foundation of any intimate relationship. Everything else grows out of the trust you have for one another: Your sense of safety, the feeling of companionship and even your love for one another depends on trust.
So even if you somehow manage to deal with unbelievable shock and pain caused by his affair, you will not be able to salvage your marriage without restoring the trust.
But no matter how hard you try, you can’t.
One night he comes home late from work and says he had a meeting, but you can’t for the life of you believe him completely.
And it’s more than normal.
But, it’s virtually impossible to try to heal from this crisis, communicate honestly and rebuild your marriage again when you’re constantly feeling suspicious and even paranoid, right?
The Most Critical Factor in Restoring the Trust
I’ve learned about the importance of transparency after an affair from Dr. Gunzburg’s “How to Survive an Affair” program, and it’s the most important thing you and your husband need to address right now, before it’s too late.
Your husband needs to understand that complete transparency is the only direct way to rebuilding your trust in him.
No more weird phone calls, no more evenings out without a call home, no more secret mails and social media accounts.
With time, complete transparency will bring the trust back to your relationship and make room for rebuilding the love.
But what is complete transparency?
The post affair agreement is a list of changes both of you agree to make (but especially the cheating spouse obviously), to start the process of rebuilding the trust in your relationship.
The Post Affair Agreement
1. My cell phone texts, contact list, pictures and calls are not a secret and can be viewed freely by my spouse. The cheating spouse will close out any e-mail accounts or telephone numbers associated with affair.
2. My Facebook account, including private messages, is not a secret and can be viewed anytime by my spouse.
3. I will not delete or hide any text message or Facebook message or e-mail of any kind.
4. I will let my spouse know exactly where I am at any point during the day. I will not make my spouse wonder where I am or what I’m doing.
5. I will call and explain in detail if I am to change my plans. For example, if I am going to be late from work – I will call before hand and explain.
6. If I go out socially without my spouse, I will let him/her exactly who I am going to meet and where.
7. I will try to share more about my work, new people who come into the office and conversations with colleagues (female and male).
8. I will make it a priority to be available on my cell phone when my spouse calls.
9. I will offer to share more about my life, the things that trouble me (or make me happy) – As much as possible.
Husband Signature Wife Signature
Why the Post Affair Agreement is Not Enough
It may take some time, but committing to the post affair agreement will slowly (yet effectively) restore the trust in your relationship, and in your heart.
But you can’t stop there.
Next, it’s time to really face your emotions and rebuild the love in your marriage, if you want to make it better than ever.
In the next sections of Dr. Gunzburg’s program, you will learn about how to rebuild the attention, the caring, the support and the stability in your marriage. And of course – The fun, the laughter and the happiness
It’s NOT impossible.
Trust CAN be restored.
Love CAN be rebuilt.
A marriage CAN survive an affair and become better than ever.
I wouldn’t claim so unless I was living proof of it.
You just need the right knowledge, and the willingness to make an effort.
I always recommend Dr. Gunzburg’s program, if only because it saved my marriage (at the last minute too…).
What do you think? will you ask your husband to sign the post affair agreement? Will you sign it too? Come back and tell me how it worked for you, I’m eager to hear how it has impacted your relationship!
Rooting for ya,
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