I don’t know about you, but I don’t believe in the “once a cheater always a cheater” cliché.
I personally know too many stories that didn’t turn out this way, and too many couples who managed to survive cheating and heal their relationship.
But if your husband has cheated on you, it’s one of the most agonizing question you have to deal with. It’s not about the actual physical act. It’s about trust, and about whether you’ll ever be able to trust him again.
Your husband has cheated on you, but he begs your forgiveness and swears he will never do it again. How can you tell if it’s true? can you trust him again some day?
You want to get over his affair somehow, rebuild the trust and save your marriage, but constant suspicion is eating you away. All your energy is consumed by watching his actions, trying to detect any hint that he is still unfaithful or that he will cheat again. How can you rebuild your relationship when you’re so fearful of your spouse deceiving you again?
Being suspicious after his affair is more than normal. It’s Expected.
But some suspicions are reasonable and others are not.
This is how to know if your cheating husband is a serial cheater – Or not.
Signs of a Serial Cheater
Serial Cheater Sign #1 – Sorry is the Hardest Word
If he doesn’t even apologize for his back-stabbing actions, raise the red flag. If he doesn’t show any remorse and tries to blame it all on you (by accusing you of not satisfying his needs or caring enough), he is probably on his way out of the marriage, or planning his next affair.
The “quality” of the apology is another unmistakable sign. If he just said “sorry” a couple of times, or avoids the topic by saying “I’ve already said I’m sorry, so let’s not bring it up again”, he clearly does no regret his actions or takes any responsibility for them.
On the other hand, if he understands and identifies with your pain, or acknowledges the wrong that he has done to you, and states that he is fully committed to saving your marriage – He is less likely to become a serial cheater.
Sign #2 – Talking to a Brick Wall
Is he willing to listen to how this makes you feel? Even if you are repeating the same things you said yesterday? Is he willing to contain your pain and emotions?
If not, if he runs away from every conversation about the cheating, it’s bad news. It means that he doesn’t want to feel guilty about something he may do AGAIN.
If he is being defensive, secretive, or otherwise less open, there may be something going on behind your back.
Discussing the affair details is critical for the injured spouse’s healing process, but it has to be done the right way. If your spouse is willing to talk, see this article about how to address the affair details without risking your marriage (and your sanity!).
Sign #3 – Cake Eater
This one is pretty obvious: If he is having a long time affair with another woman and refuses to cut contact with her (usually by using all kinds of excuses like “I work with her everyday”, “I’ll lose my job”, “she threatens to hurt herself” etc), he may be planning to continue the affair until he decides if to stay married to you or not.
In other words, he wants to have his cake and eat it too.
This situation requires an ultimatum, unless you are willing to allow your husband both a wife and a girlfriend.
Sign #4 – The Ladies’ Man
According to research, the second most common reason for men to cheat (the first one is lack of emotional attention) is the quantity of sex in their marriage (Not quality). Some people have a high sex drive while others are less interested in a lot of sex.
If your husband wants sex all the time and is constantly frustrated by the quantity of your sex life, he’s more likely to cheat again. Serial cheaters were found to be addicted to the excitement of a new affair.
If you still love your husband, but sex doesn’t much interest you anymore, this article will show you what to do.
Sign #5 – He is Entitled
Some people just think they are entitled to cheat. Their general opinions about gender roles, about their role in society or their cultural upbringing make them believe they have a right to cheat. This type of person is more likely to cheat without remorse or guilt (Remember sign #1?).
Sign #6 – Performance Anxiety
This sign is a little confusing, but none the less true. If your husband suffers from performance anxiety or sexual anxiety and has low self-esteem, he is more likely to become a serial cheater.
The type of cheating will probably be one night stands or paid sex, because it involves women who he doesn’t care about and therefore doesn’t feel he has anything to prove to them. Performance anxiety tends to disappear when you have anonymous, emotionless sex.
In a weird way, this is actually a sign that he still cares about you and is exhausted from feeling inadequate in bed and disappointing to the woman he loves.
What To do about a Potentially Serial Cheating Spouse
Pay close attention, this is the most important message in this article.
If the two of you (that means you too) don’t take the necessary steps to rebuild trust, restore the honesty and resolve the issues that led to this marriage-shattering crisis, I guarantee that he will cheat AGAIN.
If you don’t fix a flat tire, the car will eventually breakdown. If your relationship doesn’t evolve to a better one, it’s only a matter of time until he cheats again.
Attempting to do this alone is a huge mistake. I have seen too many couples get caught in a vicious cycle of anger and resentment, trapped in suspicion and pain until they had no choice but to end it.
For example, You can try to go to marriage counseling. If he doesn’t want to (many cheating spouses don’t want to, since they are afraid of being solely blamed for the marital problems), there are still ways for your to save your marriage alone.
Here’s my post about how to save your marriage alone (and make him want to join you later!)
And here’s an excellent resource that you shouldn’t ignore.
Always rooting for ya,
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