Imagine that your husband comes home late from work – Every day. He always has excuses and he always promises to get home on time tomorrow – But then he doesn’t. Again.
What would you say to him?
“You never want to spend time with me, all you care about is your job!”
“Honey, I know your job is very demanding, but I really miss you and sometimes I get so lonely here”.
Be honest for a minute. With yourself. What would you have said?
The cold hard truth: The most loving couples can’t “survive” for long without learning exactly how to communicate with each other.
Unfortunately, Communication problems in marriage are like cancer. Left untreated, they will eventually grow and kill your relationship.
* Do you fight a lot with your husband? Communication problems.
* Do you feel like your husband doesn’t listen to you and doesn’t care about issues that are important to you? Do you feel like he doesn’t “see you”? Communication problems.
* Does your husband ignore you? Is he mean to you? Did he cheat on you? Communication problems.
Can a Marriage Last Without It?
Sadly, though lack of good communication is the number 1 cause for ANY divorce, few people have the knowledge and skills (yes, it’s a skill!) to communicate with each other and especially in marriage.
Believe it or not, marriage doesn’t have to be such hard “work” as it often feels, if you only acquire the right knowledge and learn the right way to communicate with your spouse.
The Right Way vs. The Wrong Way to Talk to Your Partner
I can assure you one thing: Knowing (and practicing) the right way to talk to your spouse will make him eat from the palm of your hand.
The wrong way will push him away and gradually exterminate your relationship.
The Wrong Way
If you want your partner to run away in the opposite direction, while taking his love for you with him, insult his ability to provide and to help.
Men have a deep, internal, evolutional drive to provide. Yes, even if your husband is unemployed for months, this drive exists in him.
In the modern world, where men don’t have to go hunt the next meal anymore, this translates in the work they do and the ability to take care of their family.
When you say things like “we could go out much more if you made more money“, or “I do everything around the house and you never help me with anything“, “you never spend time with me, work always comes first with you“, you strike hard at his ability to provide – Financially, emotionally or otherwise.
This ultimately pushes him away and the chances of him sharing his deepest thoughts and feelings with you, are reduced to zero.
Don’t get me wrong here. You are RIGHT to complain about all of these things, you are right to bring it up and tell him these things that really hurt you.
But it’s the way that you say it, that shows if you know how to communicate with your husband or not. It will determine the rise or the fall of your marriage.
The Right Way to Communicate
If you want to pull him closer to you, help him feel successful by emphasizing what he is doing RIGHT, especially in the “providing” department. This will immediately open his heart and open his ears to listen to what you really want to say.
For example, instead of saying this:
“you never spend time with me, all you care about is your job“,
you can say this:
“I know that you work hard to provide for us. I know you spend a lot of time at work because you want to take care of us as much as you can. But sometimes I feel lonely here. I miss you and would be so happy if we could spend more time together“.
Do you see the difference?
You’ll be shocked by the results.
This is not manipulation. This is communication knowledge, based on understanding human nature. Compliment his ability to provide. His ability to help. And he will open his heart and finally listen to any OTHER thing you have to say.
Help him feel successful and he will go out of his way to please you MORE.
This was just one example of the right way to talk to your spouse. Other certain skills you must learn if you want to save your marriage are necessary.
Yes, I’m talking about saving your marriage from a slow and painful death.
To learn the basic rules for a great marriage communication, I suggest you start with this practical advice by Licensed therapist Randy E. Bennett. He explains the fundamentals for a healthy communication in a simple and fun way.
He also gives you Step by step instructions to melt the heart of any man. You can watch it Right Here.
Just don’t ignore and neglect. Don’t let the “marriage cancer” spread any further. You can do this, one baby step at a time. I promise.
Rooting for ya,
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