“I don’t understand how this happened to us. Our friends used to get disgusted by how touchy-feely we were. At dinner parties we used to insist on sitting next to each other.
When we walked down the street we always held hands. And all those little but great things he used to do for me. Where are they now? Where are we? I find myself living with an emotionally unavailable husband and my marriage is freezing to death!”
“All I really want is for him to hold me, to be with me like nothing else in the world matters, or exists – Like he used to. But he just retreats to the garage, or ignores me while watching TV for hours or disappearing with his “buddies” for the most of the weakened.”
Why Did This Happen to Us?
Your intimacy used to be natural and easy. Now it’s no touching, no kissing, no sharing, barely any talking. What happened in between?
Well, many things happened. Children happened. Financial stress happened. Daily chores, struggles and conflicts happened. LIFE happened.
Believe me, you’re not the first woman to find herself with an emotionally unavailable husband. And It’s not your fault: it’s easy for couples to fall into bad relationship patterns.
I can guarantee that BOTH of you have made many mistakes along the way. The point is not to dwell on what happened, but find out how to fix it NOW.
What to Do About Your Emotionally Unavailable Husband
I have learned this powerful method from my friend (Licensed therapist) Randy Bennett. He says that there is ONE crucially important thing that you are NOT yet doing in your relationship. But once you start doing this, you open the gates to a passionate, deeply fulfilling and loving relationship with your man…one that lasts.
The most important way to melt his heart is to eliminate the destructive ingredients that are keeping you away from each other. And the most destructive ingredient is - contempt.
Let me give you an example.
Okay, so you and your man have gotten into an argument.
Are you simply disagreeing or are you yelling and screaming at each other? Is it getting personal? Do you feel you are on the attack and he is on the defensive or vice versa? Has anybody been brought to tears?
When even the smallest argument becomes personal, when you start attacking each other and showing your contempt to each other, a vicious cycle begins.
If you show contempt, he’ll show contempt, and then you’ll get into a destructive game of trying to one-up each other for the worst put down and then all bets are off.
This is a damaging cycle that you want to avoid at ALL costs.
Honey vs. Vinegar
It means that there are two ways of saying something: one is sweet like honey; the other is tart like vinegar.
For example, if you’re arguing and he says, “You know, you’re really clingy,” stop yourself from reacting defensively and trying to come up with your own zinger to “one-up” him. That will only feed the vicious cycle.
Instead, go for the honey-sweet approach: take a deep breath, count to five… and then calmly say, “If you feel you need more space, then let’s discuss that.”
Trust me; your emotionally unavailable husband will almost fall off the couch, that’s how much he will be surprised at your reaction.
You just took the heat out of his fire, and instead showed him you care. That will remind him that you’re the dream girl he first fell in love with – warm, caring and loving.
I know it can be really hard, especially if he is personally attacking you. But trust me – You can do this. This is where this process HAS to start.
You can’t control what HE says and what HE does, but you can control what YOU say and do.
And this ultimately indirectly influences how your man reacts and whether this is just a bump in the road or if it’s going to turn into an unmitigated relationship disaster.
What’s the Next Step?
Think about the destructive habits that you may have right now and how to turn them around with some honey.
To have a successful relationship, one that draws your man to you like a bee to honey, avoid those destructive relationship ingredients – such as tart words – and substitute them with a little honey.
With a little practice, it’ll become a second nature.
The more you use honey, the more likely your relationship will be successful – and the envy of your friends.
Follow this advice and pretty soon, you and your man will be that “perfect couple” that everyone ELSE envies.
Rooting for ya,
There’s a relatively easy way to bring the closeness and the intimacy back to your relationship, without counseling or having those “nagging relationship talks”.
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