When I found out my husband had an affair, throwing him out and calling a lawyer was my first instinct.
After the initial rage faded a bit, I started thinking clearer.
I thought about our children, about our family and our future, and I decided to give my marriage and my husband one last chance.
One of the first things I wanted to find out is how to regain trust in a relationship (though I doubted it’s possible at all.)
How do I know if I can ever trust him again? What little signs should I look for, to know that it’s even a good idea to try to trust him again?
5 Signs You Can Regain Trust in Your Relationship
I didn’t know where to start, but one day I stumbled upon an article by John Alken and I instantly knew what to look for.
The article was about little yet important signs that your husband can be trusted again (some day), even if he cheated on you.
I want to share it with you now:
#1 – No Contact Rule
Your spouse needs to cut all contact with his lover. This can be difficult if they work together, mix in the same social circles or if it’s your next door neighbor.
But if you’re ever going to trust him again you need to know that the other woman is out of the picture.
Your spouse needs to agree that if she ever contacts him again he’ll have to tell you first – Before he respond.
You must work as a team now and be completely transparent.
#2 – Remorse
You don’t want to hear excuses like “it was an accident”, “all men cheat — it’s what we do!’, or “I don’t know why it happened”.
And you don’t want him to tell you that it was nothing and to downplay it all.
Instead, he must show real remorse for his actions and take full responsibility for his bad choices.
If he doesn’t, then you’ll simply keep your guard up because everything indicates that he’ll do it again (Here’s how to know is he’s a serial cheater).
#3 – Open Book
Most people who have been cheated on – Have specific questions they need answered.
You’ll have awful images running around in your head that never stop, and you’ll obsess about what exactly happened.
You must be able to ask your questions —However graphic they are – To get all the pieces of the puzzle.
If he isn’t willing to answer these questions or gives you vague responses, you’ll suspect he hides something and never move forward.
#4 – New Rules
To move forward with trusting your partner again he is going to need to follow new specific rules (See The Post Affair Agreement).
Some of them are:
- He will take off all passwords from his phone and computer
- Show you weekly bank statements and monthly phone bills
- Come home from work at the same time every night.
He might need to call you twice a day, or cut off contact with toxic friends. Whatever the rules, your partner needs to make these a priority.
#5 – No Fight or Flight
If he is able to get this far and show you all of these signs, then it’s time for you both to turn your attention to your relationship.
There will be aspects of this that aren’t working and you’ll both need to give this an overhaul. In the end, your relationship must change if you want it to survive.
Look at the areas of communication, sex, time spent together, socializing, parenting, finances, housework and in-laws.
Make sure that these problem areas don’t remain obstacles to re-building trust.
What Can YOU Do to Get the Trust Back?
Do you think you can survive this awful crisis on your own?
You may be wrong.
Even if your spouse is fully committed to saving your relationship, the chances of you forgiving and forgetting are low.
First thing to do, even if it goes against your urges, is to learn how to deal with your painful emotions.
The second step is to learn how to survive an affair.
If you really want your relationship to survive this, you need outside professional help.
, it shows you exactly what to do if you want a chance of saving your relationship and restoring the honesty after his affair.
Don’t wait, do something NOW, before it’s too late.
Rooting for ya,
Want to know the odds of him cheating again?
The Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater Infographic:
- Shows you the odds of cheating again for each of the 7 Types of Affairs
- Gives you clues that tip off whether they will cheat again
- Offer strategies that lower the odds of cheating again
- Presents revised odds for cheating again after breaking free from the affair
If you want the infographic, which examines all 7 types of affairs, plus additional important information, Go Here.
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