My Wife Cheated On Me (But I Still Love Her)

Cheating is unforgivable, right?

Your wife cheated. Your heart screams. Your ego shouts at you: Leave her! Leave her now! Punish her!

But you still love your unfaithful wife. You know it. And you’re helpless about it.

So you’re stuck.

my wife cheated on me


“When my wife finally admitted that she cheated on me I was so shocked that for a few long minutes I couldn’t even speak.”

My husband’s best friend was sitting on our couch, looking like he’s been dragged on the pavement.

He continued:

“A few days ago I went to our laptop to check my mail and I saw that she left hers open. I noticed a lot of email from one of her co-workers (whom I’ve met a few times before), which made me instantly suspicious.

To my utter shock and disbelief, I’ve discovered that they’ve been having an affair for more than a month.

My wife cheated on me even in our own bed”.

My Wife Cheated on Me – What to Do Now?

According to Fox News, Most cheating statistics show that about 50 – 60 percent of women admitted to having an affair in the USA.

But no matter if your wife “only” had a one night thing or a 7-year affair with her co-worker, the moment of discovery is the most shocking, painful and soul crushing experience you’ve ever had in your life.

This crazy cocktail of rage, loneliness, devastation, jealousy, shock, insecurity and utter humiliation follows you 24/7 where ever you go.

How could she do this to you?

“I Saw the Signs but Never Believed My Wife Could Have Sex with Another Man”

As we sit in our home with our friend, too shocked to respond, he continued:

“Deep inside I knew something was going on. She has told me about her conversations with this guy but swore that he was just a friend and kept telling me that he’s also married.

“I was obviously jealous, but she kept defending this “friendship” even though I’ve never been this angry with her in our entire relationship.

But I trusted her. Even though we had our problems, I thought that our connection was deeper than this. I thought my wife could never betray me like this”.

Did You See Signs Your Wife is Cheating?

Finding out about your wife’s cheating has probably thrown you into the deepest, darkest emotional hole of your entire life.

This is true even if your marriage had problems. Who doesn’t have problems? You thought.

This is even more true if you always did your best to be a good husband. Always giving her love and attention, helping around the house and telling her how beautiful and special she is.

You thought you had every reason to trust her.

“She is Begging My Forgiveness but I’m Obsessed”

“After making me feel so stupid for believing her that nothing was going on, she is now groveling and begging my forgiveness.

But all I can do is to keep thinking about them together. About him touching her, kissing her, sleeping with her. It’s been 2 weeks and I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep yet”.

I think about it all the time. When I’m driving, when I’m working, when I’m trying to sleep. I’m obsessed”.

“My Wife Cheated But I Still Love Her”

She has hurt you like no one has ever hurt you before, but you know you still love her. You don’t want to lose her, and something “mysterious” keeps you from packing your bags and leaving right now.

The need for revenge is poking at you all along. Should I cheat on her too? That’ll show her!

But you’re smart guy and you know revenge will probably end your marriage for good.

You don’t know how to stop bleeding inside. You don’t know how to stop the haunting images. You don’t know how to recover and how to ever trust her again.

My Wife Cheated on Me – Stay or Leave?

Should you pack up and leave?

Should you pack up and leave?

In this complicated situation, when you can’t even think straight, the best thing is to first focus on what NOT to do.

According to Kevin James, a relationship expert (who’s been also cheated by his wife), these are some of the deadliest mistakes men make after women cheat:

1. Jealousy

Imagining your wife with that a**hole, you know, physically, is something all cheated men will do. And it will turn you crazy green with jealousy.

It’s normal. The trick is not to get stuck with it for a year.

To prevent that horrible option, you can learn a few simple techniques to get rid of these images – Fast.

[yellowbox]Kevin shares these powerful techniques in his book.[/yellowbox]

2. Man Up

In a desperate attempt to avoid the humiliation and heart-break, you will try to “be a man about it” and minimize your feelings as much as possible.

You’ll try to convince yourself that it’s not as big a deal. Huge mistake. You’ll only blow up later (and much worse) instead of now.

Tell your wife how this makes you feel, even if she tries to dismiss it, and tell her everything her cheating has made you feel, even if she insists that it didn’t mean anything and that she never loved him.

Tell her how much you’re hurt and that you need space and time to figure out how you’re going to handle this.

3. Jumping the Gun

The first thing you wanted to do when you found out was to pack your bags and get the hell out, right?

But this is not the time for life-altering decisions. You’re  all over the place right now, probably incapable of focusing for more than 2 minutes.

Now’s not the time to decide if you are leaving, getting a divorce or getting revenge.

Some decisions can make things WORSE, believe it or not. Others have an irreversible outcome.

Let things settle for a month and work on recovering from your wife’s cheating.

According to Kevin James, if you are making any of these mistakes right now, it’s not the end of the world, or your marriage.

In his quite unique system, which was literally a life saver for my husband’s best friend, Kevin reveals the fastest, most fool-proof way of healing from your wife’s betrayal (and how to decide if you should).

If you already realized you can’t “just get over it”, his book may be the right thing for you too.

What about you? How did you find out about your wife’s cheating? Are you going to do something about your pain today?

Rooting for ya,



Will you share your story with me in the comments below?


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    • Jimmy,

      It’s completely normal! Why would you expect youself to just get over it in a few months, or ever?

      If you want to get over it and more than that – Prevent it from happening again, you’ll have to take some steps, like the ones suggested in the article, and get outside help.

      You can’t do this on your own. It’s extremely painful and for a man it’s even harder to get through a spouse cheating.

      Give yourself a break, it will take how long it takes, but try to do something about it, to help you get through the pain easier.

      Hang in there, everything will be alright.

  1. Thanks for the article Lisa.

    I just found out that my wife got f%#^ed up on drinks and drugs while on a holiday and slept with another guy. She is still on the holiday….

    I’m trying to tell myself it wasn’t as big a deal because she was so messed up and wouldn’t normally act like that but am I kidding myself? Does it even make a difference?

    • I’m so sorry you have to deal this, how horrible you must feel right now.
      The most surprising part of your story is that she is still on this holiday…really?
      She has confessed about this but hasn’t come home yet?

      I don’t think you should convince yourself it’s not a big deal because deep inside it is a very big deal for you and there’s no point in trying to lie to yourself.
      However, it is a bit “comforting” that it happened while on holiday, and “assisted” by alcohol and drugs.
      At least she hasn’t planned this, it’s not like she feel for some other guy and honestly, how common does this happen with married guys on their yearly trip to Vegas, right?

      When she comes home, you’ll have to deal with it, I would first check to see how much remorse she’ll show you, it can say everything.
      If you’d like, come back and tell me what has happened and I’ll try to help.

      Hang in there.

  2. I took my son on holiday who’s not my wifes child and came home to disvover shes been on chat rooms and a dating site.ive disvovered chat logs that may suggest he has been in our home.she said they went out a few times as she’s wuite depressed through lots of reasons with us but says she loves me but we wont get over this. She won’t see a councillor never.i keep finding more evidence they’ve seen each other alot but she says it was only a few times.i rang him and he says yes theyve had sex (shes desperate for a baby and weve been told we need ivf) and his f bk says its his gf in pics.she just brushes it off.she hasnt left yet and says cant see us working this sure shes still talking to him as he wont change thr pictures. Im signed off work now and on snti depressants.i love her so much but shes so depressed, hates her job and says no reason to stay. She says wont go to him as nothing.i think originally she wanted attention as we were just ticking along. If she left she’d have no job so that worries her but is that the reason I dunno.i cant get her to councillors and she attacks me verbally if I discover new stuff, but if theyve had sex I can’t cope with that as she says that’s onr thing she wouldn’t do to me but she’s lied so much.its not like her.shes changed so much and her so called mate covered for her.i just feel like my worlds ended as I need it sorted ASAP. M

    • Michael,

      I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
      It seems like she doesn’t really want to work it out, and like you’ve said the only reason she hasn’t left is financial.

      I’m sure your marital crisis has to do with her overall dissatifaction in life and depression. It has to be resolved before you can heal your marriage.
      I think that in your case a temporary separation may actually be a good idea. It will force her (and you) to deal with her life and maybe realize what she could be losing for good.

      See this post about the benefits of separation in marriage, I hope it helps:

  3. I have been married for 2 years. 2 months after being married I was deployed to Afghanistan. I came home after a year and thought everything was just perfect and how lucky I was to have such a wonderful wife. A year after returning home I discover that she has been cheating on my for a year and a half. All of her texts and emails just show how intimate and emotionally connected they were. She brought him to my house while I was deployed, and even when I got back while I was at work. She wants me to forgive her and says that this guy means nothing to her. I love my wife and I want to believe her but how can I? They developed a long term intimate serious relationship. She talked to him 24/7. At least 50-80 texts per day. I feel so stupid for not catching on before because had noticed some of her texts and she would hide her phone “playfully” and swear to me that it was just one of her female friends. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. How am I supposed to react to a situation where her affair lasted longer than I have been home during the period of our marriage? And she says it meant nothing. How could I even expect her to truly end such an intimate relationship overnight? I don’t think that is humanly emotionally possible. Her last text to him was saying I would be away for work all weekend and he could come over. Also they didn’t use why protection and she was off her birth control so we could start a family. How can I believe that she intended on ending it like she claims and it meant nothing? They mentioned several times how great it were if they were together and too bad both of them were married, If only they had met sooner. How can I believe her?

    • I’m really sorry you are going through this.
      I think you’re right, you have no reason to believe her and I think she is lying to you about his not meaning anything to her.
      But, this still doesn’t mean that NOW she regrets it and wants to end it and be with you.

      You have 2 choices: Either believe her current intentions and give her a chance to prove it to you, or you can leave her.
      If you haven’t left, even after being devestated like this, I’m guessing you really love her.

      It’s not a question of believing her right now, because I think she is lying. Byut remember, she is lying because she wants you to NOT leave her. Otherwise, she would have “used” this to leave you herself and go be with him.

      She doesn’t want to do that, do you believe her about THAT?

  4. So I’m in the military and found out my.wife had been cheating on me for a few months with another soldier who is married. And I found all this out 2 weeks before I got deployed. I’m currently deployed and I’m going nuts idk how to handle this stuff.

    • Alex,

      I’m sorry. How horrible you must feel, day and night, especially when you’re far away and stuck without being able to do anything.

      I don’t why I’m saying this, but I don’t think her affaurf with a married soldier is going to last very long.

      I think you should try to hanf in there, be strong, think about why this has happened to you both (maybe she was afraid to handle life without you? Two weeks before being deployed doesn’t seem like a coincidenece)

      And accept the fact that right now there isn’t much you can do about it, since you’re deployed, so there’s no point in trying to change something that can’t be changed.
      Focus on you. On healing. On thinking about what you really want.

      I hope this helps and I’m here if you want to let me know how you’re doing.

  5. Hey thank Lisa. Yea it just sucks the dude she cheated on me with is getting I trouble so that’s good he deserves it cause he knew we were marriedm and as of right now I’m trying to figure out what to do. If I should try to worn things out once I get hone or just tell her to kick rocks. I love her to death but the images and the thoughts I have everyday r horrible

  6. Hi Lisa,

    It’s been 5 months since I originally posted on this story and thought I should drop in to provide an update.

    So my wife returned home from her holiday where she slept with another man (although they only slept together once, they kissed a few times over the course of 5 days or so, so I call it an affair) and after a month of lots and lots of talking and waiting for an appointment with a psychologist we decided to have a go at fixing our marriage. We attended a couples session and then individual sessions with a psychologist. At our third couples session the psychologist stopped us half way and asked to speak to us separately. It wasn’t good news. Essentially she could see that my wife was not making a true effort and questioned her intentions.

    This ended up getting my wife thinking and then within the next week she admitted she no longer loved me and couldn’t see herself ever loving me. Obviously it cut like knives, but at least the truth was finally starting to come out.
    Despite the fact that she told me she would keep trying, I got to the point (with the guidance of my psychologist) where I knew I needed to leave. I didn’t want to be married to a woman who didn’t love me… I deserve better. So I packed my things and headed off to my parents.

    The situation was tricky because she has a son who I’ve been a full time father to for the last 5 years (he is now 8) but it’s certainly working out for the better. I know I’m going to be far better off long term for leaving.

    The one thing I have learned from all of this is something I thought I knew before, but didn’t fully understand. It takes two people to make a marriage work, but only one to break it. I was committed to my wife and fully intended on staying that way for life, but the fact is she wasn’t the same… It’s highly likely that she married me more out of infatuation than a true and lasting commitment, and that was never going to work… That said, I can walk away with my head held high. When she got home, I was waiting at the front door with the biggest bunch of flowers I’ve every bought, I did everything in my power to make things work in the moths that followed and because of that, I am at peace.

    Thanks again for your article, the first 12 hours after learning the most horrible news of my life were hopefully the worst I’ll ever endure, and your article was here to help… even if just a little bit.

    • Thank you so much for coming back and telling your story, I’m sure it can help lots of people who dropped by here..
      I wish you the best and all the happiness you deserve:)

      The rest of your life is just starting!:)


  7. I found out earlier this week that my wife has been cheating on me.

    We have been married for 4 years and have a 3 year old and an 18 month old.

    I found out that she has been going on a swinging website and arranging illicit meetings with random people after work for sex. I found out because she stupidly did not clear her internet browsing history so I happened to see the website – I ended up finding her profile on it, which included a number of pictures of her f**king another man. To the day I die, those images will never not be burned into the back of my mind.

    I have confronted her about it and she has admitted to meeting and sleeping with 2 men and 1 woman over the last couple of months.

    I don’t understand why or how this has happened, The one thing I do believe is that this was just about the sex and not about any emotional attachment to another person, but I’m not sure that helps.

    I cannot just chuck her out, for a number of reasons, not least of which is that I cannot imagine the impact on our children. I am terrified that if I cannot forgive her and make our marriage work, she would get the children in a divorce and I couldn’t live without my children, they are absolutely everything to me.

    I also think that I want to move on, try to forgive her, try to pick up the piece of my life that are currently shattered around me and rebuild my life, I just don’t know if I can. I hurt all the time. Whenever I close my eyes I see the pictures of her with another man. Right now whenever I look at her I feel sick. I am trying to be as normal as possible around the children, for obvious reasons, but trying to be normal is horrible, it is like a constant reminder of what she has thrown away.

    Today I momentarily forgot and called her “darling” I was so angry with myself that I punched a door. I am not normally an angry person.

    I can’t sleep. I have maybe had 4 hours sleep all week. Whenever I try, my head is swimming. Every so often I manage to briefly lose myself in something and sort of forget – I had a ridiculously busy day at work, and found that it was 4pm and I had barely thought about her all day, I dread the evenings though because there is nothing to distract me.

    How do I make it not hurt?
    How do I ever trust her again?
    How to I move on from this and not feel like she has completely sabotaged our life?

    Someone, please, just tell me what to do.

    • I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
      What an awful way to find out, you must be in post-trauma after something like that.

      Sadly, I think your wife has a deeper problem than what you think. She is living a lie. And, I don’t think there’s much point in trusting her again like you’d like, because I’m almost sure she will do it again – Just hide it better.

      I understand that you don’t want to live apart from your children, but I think that the only wauy to figure out what’s going on with her and what’s causing her to do this it throug therapy.
      Not even marriage couseling at this point. She should go to a therapist and work out her issues.

      This will not be resolved on its own and the sooner you’ll realize this the less pain you’ll experience.

      Again, I’m so sorry about this. Probably one of the worst cheating stories I’ve ever heard (and I’ve heard plenty).

      Hang in there,


      • Hello all this is my first time on any one of these sites I recently discovered my wife of 2 year been together 7 and we have 2 kids 6 and 3 has been cheating on me with her co worker and I found out through text and messages she had on her phone all there messages were in spanish so she couldnt think I coild understand it she is spanish and I am white we have been having problems we fought about money and and our kids and we had a few issues with texting her exes but anyways I confronted her the next morning and I was pissed yelling and she told me that all she did was kiss him but I knew there was more so I went to work broken feeling worthless humilated as if the world knew I was less of a man and after I came home I started texting and chatting with her and she revealed that she they had slept together just twice so she says and she just did it forthe attention I was complety crushed still am I feel like crap like the liquid at the bottom of a garbage can we may have fought about dumb thinga like regular people but I never stop loving her the worst part is all I ever did was tell her I love her everyday let her know she was my world called her beautiful tried to embrace and make her feel loved and you know she pretended pretty good at being trully in love with me I really felt before I found out we were fine I’m not a bad guy I work first shift in the mornings she works secondshift all I ever did was make sure she had a nice clean house I took care of the kids had dinner made and ready for her when she came home I would stay up losing my sleep I needed for work to spend time with her and she says she cares but her actions don’t show it she dosent cry she says she feels bad but a she was just trying to make herself feel better and I shoild be understanding and when I asked her to brake the connection with the guy I could tell she dosent want it she says she just needs her space for a couple of months and it’ll be better she be the one for me again I love her I love my kids I dnt want to be a weekend dad her cheating and the thought of not seeing my kids makes me wonder y this happens to people like what did I do wrong I loved her I tried and I’m srry for the horrible grammar but destroyed inside and those lil things don’t seem to matter how do I get back from this

  8. I just found out a week ago that my wife of 5 years is cheating on me. I had been suspecting something for a couple of months and my suspicions were confirmed when I saw text messages she had sent her sister. She went into detail about the sex. We have 5 kids together (21 who is mine, 13 who is hers and 3 together-4yrs, 2yra and 3 months). I love my wife but I feel angry,hurt, betrayed, depressed, ashamed and all sorts of other feelings i can’t my finger on. I haven’t confronted Her. I don’t know how. She says they’re just friends but the text messages between her and sister make it sound like she’s torn. I don’t know what do. I want to have an honest conversation without her turning it around on me for spying on her. I’m trying to handle this on my own but find myself at a loss. I truly love my wife and am trying to ignore but I want her to stop seeing this guy. What should I do?

  9. Tony,

    I’m sorry about this, how awful.
    Your instincts are right, the most important thing to do first is to have an honest conversation about this, and it can’t be done when she is not willing to admit it yet.

    This is why knowing how to confront a cheater is critical. Since you have some sort of evidence, you can do it in a smart way. Here;s my post about how to confront a cheater (it’s addressed to women in general but it applies to you too…) and I hope it helps you start dealing with this crisis: