My Wife Cheated On Me (But I Still Love Her)

 

my wife cheated on me

Cheating is unforgivable, right?

Your wife cheated. Your heart screams. Your ego shouts at you: Leave her! Leave her now! Punish her!

But you still love your unfaithful heart. You know it.

So you’re stuck.

“When my wife finally admitted that she cheated on me I was so shocked that for a few long minutes I couldn’t even speak.”

My husband’s best friend was sitting on our couch, looking like he’s been dragged on the pavement.

He continued:

“A few days ago I went to our laptop to check my mail and I saw that she left hers open. I noticed a lot of email from one of her co-workers (whom I’ve met a few times before), which made me instantly suspicious.

To my utter shock and disbelief, I’ve discovered that they’ve been having an affair for more than a month.

My wife cheated on me even in our own bed”.

My Wife Cheated on Me – What to Do Now?

According to Fox News, Most cheating statistics show that about 50 – 60 percent of women admitted to having an affair in the USA.

But no matter if your wife “only” had a one night thing or a 7-year affair with her co-worker, the moment of discovery is the most shocking, painful and soul crushing experience you’ve ever had in your life.

This crazy cocktail of rage, loneliness, devastation, jealousy, shock, insecurity and utter humiliation follows you 24/7 where ever you go.

How could she do this to you?

“I Saw the Signs but Never Believed My Wife Could Have Sex with Another Man”

As we sit in our home with our friend, too shocked to respond, he continued:

“Deep inside I knew something was going on. She has told me about her conversations with this guy but swore that he was just a friend and kept telling me that he’s also married.

“I was obviously jealous, but she kept defending this “friendship” even though I’ve never been this angry with her in our entire relationship.

But I trusted her. Even though we had our problems, I thought that our connection was deeper than this. I thought my wife could never betray me like this”.

Did You See Signs Your Wife is Cheating?

Finding out about your wife’s cheating has probably thrown you into the deepest, darkest emotional hole of your entire life.

This is true even if your marriage had problems. Who doesn’t have problems? You thought.

This is even more true if you always did your best to be a good husband. Always giving her love and attention, helping around the house and telling her how beautiful and special she is.

You thought you had every reason to trust her.

“She is Begging My Forgiveness but I’m Obsessed”

“After making me feel so stupid for believing her that nothing was going on, she is now groveling and begging my forgiveness.

But all I can do is to keep thinking about them together. About him touching her, kissing her, sleeping with her. It’s been 2 weeks and I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep yet”.

I think about it all the time. When I’m driving, when I’m working, when I’m trying to sleep. I’m obsessed”.

“My Wife Cheated But I Still Love Her”

She has hurt you like no one has ever hurt you before, but you know you still love her. You don’t want to lose her, and something “mysterious” keeps you from packing your bags and leaving right now.

The need for revenge is poking at you all along. Should I cheat on her too? That’ll show her!

But you’re smart guy and you know revenge will probably end your marriage for good.

You don’t know how to stop bleeding inside. You don’t know how to stop the haunting images. You don’t know how to recover and how to ever trust her again.

My Wife Cheated on Me – Stay or Leave?

Should you pack up and leave?

Should you pack up and leave?

In this complicated situation, when you can’t even think straight, the best thing is to first focus on what NOT to do.

According to Kevin James, a relationship expert (who’s been also cheated by his wife), these are some of the deadliest mistakes men make after women cheat:

1. Go Crazy Green

Imagining your wife with that a**hole, you know, physically, is something all cheated men will do. And it will turn you crazy green with jealousy.

It’s normal. The trick is not to get stuck with it for a year.

To prevent that horrible option, you can learn a few simple techniques to get rid of these images – Fast. Kevin shares these powerful techniques in his book.

2. Man Up

In a desperate attempt to avoid the humiliation and heart-break, you will try to “be a man about it” and minimize your feelings as much as possible.

You’ll try to convince yourself that it’s not as big a deal. Huge mistake. You’ll only blow up later (and much worse) instead of now.

Tell your wife how this makes you feel, even if she tries to dismiss it, and tell her everything her cheating has made you feel, even if she insists that it didn’t mean anything and that she never loved him.

Tell her how much you’re hurt and that you need space and time to figure out how you’re going to handle this.

3. Jumping the Gun

The first thing you wanted to do when you found out was to pack your bags and get the hell out, right?


But this is not the time for life-altering decisions. You’re  all over the place right now, probably incapable of focusing for more than 2 minutes.

Now’s not the time to decide if you are leaving, getting a divorce or getting revenge.

Some decisions can make things WORSE, believe it or not. Others have an irreversible outcome.


Let things settle for a month and work on recovering from your wife’s cheating.

According to Kevin James, if you are making any of these mistakes right now, it’s not the end of the world, or your marriage.

In his quite unique system (Survive Her Affair), which was literally a life saver for my husband’s best friend, Kevin reveals the fastest, most fool-proof way of healing from your wife’s betrayal (and how to decide if you should).

If you already realized you can’t “just get over it”, his book may be the right thing for you too.

What about you? How did you find out about your wife’s cheating? Are you going to do something about your pain today?

Rooting for ya,

Lisa

 P.S

* Will you share your story with me in the comments below?

 

Related Posts

The Real Reasons for Women Infidelity

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Comments

    • says

      Jimmy,

      It’s completely normal! Why would you expect youself to just get over it in a few months, or ever?

      If you want to get over it and more than that – Prevent it from happening again, you’ll have to take some steps, like the ones suggested in the article, and get outside help.

      You can’t do this on your own. It’s extremely painful and for a man it’s even harder to get through a spouse cheating.

      Give yourself a break, it will take how long it takes, but try to do something about it, to help you get through the pain easier.

      Hang in there, everything will be alright.

  1. Confused says

    Thanks for the article Lisa.

    I just found out that my wife got f%#^ed up on drinks and drugs while on a holiday and slept with another guy. She is still on the holiday….

    I’m trying to tell myself it wasn’t as big a deal because she was so messed up and wouldn’t normally act like that but am I kidding myself? Does it even make a difference?

    • says

      I’m so sorry you have to deal this, how horrible you must feel right now.
      The most surprising part of your story is that she is still on this holiday…really?
      She has confessed about this but hasn’t come home yet?

      I don’t think you should convince yourself it’s not a big deal because deep inside it is a very big deal for you and there’s no point in trying to lie to yourself.
      However, it is a bit “comforting” that it happened while on holiday, and “assisted” by alcohol and drugs.
      At least she hasn’t planned this, it’s not like she feel for some other guy and honestly, how common does this happen with married guys on their yearly trip to Vegas, right?

      When she comes home, you’ll have to deal with it, I would first check to see how much remorse she’ll show you, it can say everything.
      If you’d like, come back and tell me what has happened and I’ll try to help.

      Hang in there.

  2. says

    I took my son on holiday who’s not my wifes child and came home to disvover shes been on chat rooms and a dating site.ive disvovered chat logs that may suggest he has been in our home.she said they went out a few times as she’s wuite depressed through lots of reasons with us but says she loves me but we wont get over this. She won’t see a councillor never.i keep finding more evidence they’ve seen each other alot but she says it was only a few times.i rang him and he says yes theyve had sex (shes desperate for a baby and weve been told we need ivf) and his f bk says its his gf in pics.she just brushes it off.she hasnt left yet and says cant see us working this out.im sure shes still talking to him as he wont change thr pictures. Im signed off work now and on snti depressants.i love her so much but shes so depressed, hates her job and says no reason to stay. She says wont go to him as nothing.i think originally she wanted attention as we were just ticking along. If she left she’d have no job so that worries her but is that the reason I dunno.i cant get her to councillors and she attacks me verbally if I discover new stuff, but if theyve had sex I can’t cope with that as she says that’s onr thing she wouldn’t do to me but she’s lied so much.its not like her.shes changed so much and her so called mate covered for her.i just feel like my worlds ended as I need it sorted ASAP. M

    • says

      Michael,

      I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
      It seems like she doesn’t really want to work it out, and like you’ve said the only reason she hasn’t left is financial.

      I’m sure your marital crisis has to do with her overall dissatifaction in life and depression. It has to be resolved before you can heal your marriage.
      I think that in your case a temporary separation may actually be a good idea. It will force her (and you) to deal with her life and maybe realize what she could be losing for good.

      See this post about the benefits of separation in marriage, I hope it helps:

      http://www.how-to-save-marriage.org/can-separation-save-a-marriage/

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